I need to find it.
The back room/guest room/storage room's bookcase is filled with books from friends and dvds from my parents' house. At the bottom of the bookshelf, I see them: binders full of letters from my mission. Every letter that was ever written to me, most of the emails ever sent, are stuffed in those binders.
I pull them out. Where do I begin?
I flip page after page, letter after letter, until I realize that the words spoken at my setting apart, the words my mom had typed out for me to read, the words I am looking for, would most likely be in an envelope, and if it's in an envelope, it would be in one of the binders' pockets. So I start looking.
Flip flip... pull pull... "Not that one..."
Next binder.
Flip flip... pull pull... "No..."
Last binder.
Flip...
Something catches my eye. Not an envelope. An email that has been printed.
On it says, "How is my precious girl?"
It's an email from Dad.
I can't help myself.
I sit down and start reading.
I remember this email.
I remember sitting in the library, after a long and, to be frank, tedious week of knocking on doors only to have them slammed in my face, struggling helping people who I have come to love as they tell me about some of the trials they are experiencing, and I had emailed my dad.
His words helped a missionary.
His words help me now.
This isn't what I am looking for.
But it is what I need.
As I read them, a thought comes.
Please share this.
Today, I don't have words.
I give to you words of my father, words he said to a struggling missionary who wanted to give up many times, words that helps that same girl through everything she goes through in her life.
I copied them exactly as they are written in the email.
I pray that someone who reads this receives an answer to a prayer, or a feeling in their heart, knowing that they have a Father in Heaven who loves them, and a Brother in Heaven who loves them.
They are words written to me, but they are words for you too.
Please read and treasure them the way that I have.
Think about yourself as you read.
(NOTE: I have changed the names in this email in order to respect those who I had taught on my mission.)
"How is my precious girl? Did you know you were my absolute favorite girl in the world who isn't 45 years old? I have really been miss you this week, but am so glad you are in Vancouver doing what you are doing. It is so exciting that you are seeing success in your missionary efforts, and are such an integral part of the Deaf branch there. We prayed all week that all would be well with your scheduled baptisms for Talia, Max, and Chris. Hopefully all went wonderfully for this special little family yesterday. I have also been praying for Sam that he can quite smoking, and progress to baptism soon. Wow, your faithful efforts are making such an eternal difference in real lives of some of Father's priceless children- it doesn't get any better than that!
Sweetheart, I am sorry that you have been feeling down at times as of late, and I recognize that this has been a problem for you off and on the last few years. I have been thinking about it this week, and about how none of us are spared from our own unique set of challenges in this life. Whether it be physical shortcomings or deficiencies, difficulties with obedience to commandments, addictions, mental health, financial failures, serious injuries or illnesses, it just is an essential part of this earthly experience we are all a part of. We have to trust our Heavenly Father in his all knowing wisdom that it "give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 122 is such an incredible section. I know from my own experience, that this part I just quoted can be less than comforting to hear when times are the toughest, but the verse that follows always humbles me, and seems to give pretty incredible perspective- "The Son of Man hath descended below them all, art thou greater than he?"
The amazing thing to remember here is to remember that Christ has felt exactly what Bill Parrish has felt, or Jensen Parrish has felt in the absolute worst moment of any day, and will succor us because he does not only sympathize with us, he empathizes with us. What a mind blowing concept that Jesus Christ can relate to every pain, every form of suffering any individual child of God has ever experienced, it is true. The other key thing for you to remember as a ordained servant of the Lord Jesus Christ is found in D&C 124:18, where the Lord promises to "bear his servants up on eagles wings." You are his servant, and you are a valiant one with "clean hands, and a pure heart", and this my sweet daughter is all that the Lord asks of us. This represents our best effort- not a perfect effort- but our best. This is all that is required. So, anytime you are asking yourself- "I don't know if I can do this?"- remember that you already have, and you already do. Truly, do you think Nick, Talia, Chris, Max and others think for 2 seconds that you are not "doing it"? You have worked hand in hand with the creator of this world, and his holy spirit to change these peoples lives for the good in an eternal sense. You are amazing!
Remember always to "give yourself a break". Don't feel bad about feeling bad sometimes. Try always when you are struggling to turn to Christ, and even though it sounds trite, and oversimplified- "count your blessings, name them one by one." Sweetheart, you are not going to be perfect all the time, and that is ok. You may have a few days when you feel like you weren't the greatest missionary in the world, and maybe you weren't that day, but that is ok. That day, maybe that was your best offering that you had to lay before the Lord. If it was, he knows it. He will not forsake you, even when he feels farther away, please trust he has a reason for it that is for your good. You are so much more incredible than you realize. I am confident that there is not a Father on this planet that is more proud of a daughter than I am of you. Just keep doing your best- one day at a time- and I testify to you that it will be enough for your other Father who loves you even more that I do (which is hard for me to wrap my mind around!) Love you eternally Jensen, and pray for you to have an amazing week! Talk to you soon.
Love, Daddy"
William B. Parrish, DDS
Chief Dental Officer
Fort Hall IHS
The back room/guest room/storage room's bookcase is filled with books from friends and dvds from my parents' house. At the bottom of the bookshelf, I see them: binders full of letters from my mission. Every letter that was ever written to me, most of the emails ever sent, are stuffed in those binders.
I pull them out. Where do I begin?
I flip page after page, letter after letter, until I realize that the words spoken at my setting apart, the words my mom had typed out for me to read, the words I am looking for, would most likely be in an envelope, and if it's in an envelope, it would be in one of the binders' pockets. So I start looking.
Flip flip... pull pull... "Not that one..."
Next binder.
Flip flip... pull pull... "No..."
Last binder.
Flip...
Something catches my eye. Not an envelope. An email that has been printed.
On it says, "How is my precious girl?"
It's an email from Dad.
I can't help myself.
I sit down and start reading.
I remember this email.
I remember sitting in the library, after a long and, to be frank, tedious week of knocking on doors only to have them slammed in my face, struggling helping people who I have come to love as they tell me about some of the trials they are experiencing, and I had emailed my dad.
His words helped a missionary.
His words help me now.
This isn't what I am looking for.
But it is what I need.
As I read them, a thought comes.
Please share this.
Today, I don't have words.
I give to you words of my father, words he said to a struggling missionary who wanted to give up many times, words that helps that same girl through everything she goes through in her life.
I copied them exactly as they are written in the email.
I pray that someone who reads this receives an answer to a prayer, or a feeling in their heart, knowing that they have a Father in Heaven who loves them, and a Brother in Heaven who loves them.
They are words written to me, but they are words for you too.
Please read and treasure them the way that I have.
Think about yourself as you read.
(NOTE: I have changed the names in this email in order to respect those who I had taught on my mission.)
***
"How is my precious girl? Did you know you were my absolute favorite girl in the world who isn't 45 years old? I have really been miss you this week, but am so glad you are in Vancouver doing what you are doing. It is so exciting that you are seeing success in your missionary efforts, and are such an integral part of the Deaf branch there. We prayed all week that all would be well with your scheduled baptisms for Talia, Max, and Chris. Hopefully all went wonderfully for this special little family yesterday. I have also been praying for Sam that he can quite smoking, and progress to baptism soon. Wow, your faithful efforts are making such an eternal difference in real lives of some of Father's priceless children- it doesn't get any better than that!
Sweetheart, I am sorry that you have been feeling down at times as of late, and I recognize that this has been a problem for you off and on the last few years. I have been thinking about it this week, and about how none of us are spared from our own unique set of challenges in this life. Whether it be physical shortcomings or deficiencies, difficulties with obedience to commandments, addictions, mental health, financial failures, serious injuries or illnesses, it just is an essential part of this earthly experience we are all a part of. We have to trust our Heavenly Father in his all knowing wisdom that it "give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 122 is such an incredible section. I know from my own experience, that this part I just quoted can be less than comforting to hear when times are the toughest, but the verse that follows always humbles me, and seems to give pretty incredible perspective- "The Son of Man hath descended below them all, art thou greater than he?"
The amazing thing to remember here is to remember that Christ has felt exactly what Bill Parrish has felt, or Jensen Parrish has felt in the absolute worst moment of any day, and will succor us because he does not only sympathize with us, he empathizes with us. What a mind blowing concept that Jesus Christ can relate to every pain, every form of suffering any individual child of God has ever experienced, it is true. The other key thing for you to remember as a ordained servant of the Lord Jesus Christ is found in D&C 124:18, where the Lord promises to "bear his servants up on eagles wings." You are his servant, and you are a valiant one with "clean hands, and a pure heart", and this my sweet daughter is all that the Lord asks of us. This represents our best effort- not a perfect effort- but our best. This is all that is required. So, anytime you are asking yourself- "I don't know if I can do this?"- remember that you already have, and you already do. Truly, do you think Nick, Talia, Chris, Max and others think for 2 seconds that you are not "doing it"? You have worked hand in hand with the creator of this world, and his holy spirit to change these peoples lives for the good in an eternal sense. You are amazing!
Remember always to "give yourself a break". Don't feel bad about feeling bad sometimes. Try always when you are struggling to turn to Christ, and even though it sounds trite, and oversimplified- "count your blessings, name them one by one." Sweetheart, you are not going to be perfect all the time, and that is ok. You may have a few days when you feel like you weren't the greatest missionary in the world, and maybe you weren't that day, but that is ok. That day, maybe that was your best offering that you had to lay before the Lord. If it was, he knows it. He will not forsake you, even when he feels farther away, please trust he has a reason for it that is for your good. You are so much more incredible than you realize. I am confident that there is not a Father on this planet that is more proud of a daughter than I am of you. Just keep doing your best- one day at a time- and I testify to you that it will be enough for your other Father who loves you even more that I do (which is hard for me to wrap my mind around!) Love you eternally Jensen, and pray for you to have an amazing week! Talk to you soon.
Love, Daddy"
William B. Parrish, DDS
Chief Dental Officer
Fort Hall IHS
God Bless both you and Ian
ReplyDeleteI loved your Daddy’s letter!!!
I’m so glad that both you and Ian decided to return to your missions!! You are a sweetheart and a strong woman!!! I’m sending you lots of love!! Your Blog is so fun!! In fact it’s adorable!!!
Thank you Jensen for sharing your sweet Daddy's sacred words. They are a blessing to you throughout the rest of your days here, and to your posterity. In fact they are precious to all who read and listen with their hearts. As I read, and wept, I though of my own sweet daddy who went home 22 years ago, and I am so grateful for his loving testimony to me through his writing. You are in my prayers! Thank you again!
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Jensen, I feel very blessed to have come across your blog via the article in LDS living being re-issued today. My husband and I loved and admired your parents. We went to HS with your dad and were so tickled when your mom and dad married. They were so fun and bright and we enjoyed being around them. I still have their wedding invite in my scrapbook. I am a red head too and your dad was always so nice to me in high school. I am so proud of you and your brother. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been. I have thought about you two so many times over the past 5 years and I am thankful you are pushing through and embracing your new normal. Thanks for sharing your testimony and life. I know you have helped so many by sharing.
ReplyDelete