A New Normal

JULY 22, 2014 **EXPECTATION** Best friend and I will be up all night, excited, maybe crying. We will drive to the airport together. We will sleep on the plane. Maybe, if we were up the night before. Both our families will be there, together, with their balloons and "WELCOME HOME" signs. We will sign. Throw them off. When we can't stand it anymore, we will run to them. I will run to them. Hug them all. Probably Mom first. Mothers get first call. Then, the boys. Then, Dad. Say goodbye to best friend. Drive home. Tell them everything.   *******************************   JULY 22, 2014  ** REALITY** Wake up. Clean. Apply for classes. Appointment. Work. No hugs. No brothers. No Mom. No Dad. Drive around alone.   ...... Sometimes, you just want to escape. No, I'm not talking about going on a trip, or going to another state. I'm talking about that confinement that you feel by just being you. The realization th

When I was really little, I had a bell collection. It all started years ago, in a random little gift souvenir shop in West Yellowstone National Park. I felt the need and desire to buy SOMETHING. Something that would forever remind me of this, in my little 8 or 9 year old mind, best trip ever. I walked up and down the aisles, searching and observing. And that's when I saw it. It was big. It was white. It had paintings of buffalo and deer and an eagle. " West Yellowstone " was printed nicely in yellow. The glass was thick. And I could even hear the jingle when I rang it. It was perfect in my eyes. In my excitement, I ran up to show my Dad. He could see how excited I was, and suggested that I start a collection. Anywhere that I go in the world, I would buy a bell, as a token and memoir. Pure genius! And thus, my amazing bell collection began! Anywhere we went that was outside of Pocatello, Idaho, I would buy a bell. Big ones, little ones, tall ones, small ones.

"What are you up to these days?" Living life. Figuring it out. That's what I've started to say every time I'm asked. But hey. It's better than, "How are you?" ........................................................................................................................................... "Asking 'why' can be a frustrating, and even dangerous, thing to do." Wise words of a wise seminary teacher. The walls have started growing. I can feel them being built around me. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm tired of the questions. Maybe I'm tired of the answers. There are days when I close up. It happens more often than not. I don't think I mean to. It just happens. There are days when after I've held it in for so long, I blow up. And scare people away. I don't think I mean to. It just happens. There are days where I will randomly cry for no reason at all. A song. A picture. A me