Tuesday, July 22, 2014

July 22, 2014

JULY 22, 2014
**EXPECTATION**
Best friend and I will be up all night, excited, maybe crying.
We will drive to the airport together.
We will sleep on the plane. Maybe, if we were up the night before.
Both our families will be there, together, with their balloons and "WELCOME HOME" signs.
We will sign. Throw them off.
When we can't stand it anymore, we will run to them.
I will run to them. Hug them all.
Probably Mom first. Mothers get first call.
Then, the boys.
Then, Dad.
Say goodbye to best friend. Drive home. Tell them everything.
 
*******************************
 
JULY 22, 2014
**REALITY**
Wake up.
Clean.
Apply for classes.
Appointment.
Work.
No hugs.
No brothers. No Mom. No Dad.
Drive around alone.
 
......


Sometimes, you just want to escape.

No, I'm not talking about going on a trip, or going to another state.

I'm talking about that confinement that you feel by just being you.
The realization that you are you and you won't ever be anyone else but you, and you have to live with being you.
Your struggles. Your weaknesses. Even your happiness and triumph.
It's all exhausting sometimes.
Escape would mean just having a brief moment of freedom of being you. Almost like as if your spirit could just leave your body for a few moments.

Not like death.

More like a jump. A jump through space. Matter. Time. A jump through your story.
What will I become? I need to know the end of my story...

Or perhaps, more like a dream. An escape from reality.
I love dreaming. It gives me a chance to be away for a little while.

It's interesting how many forms that confinement can be.

..................................................................................................................

This is a trial of faith.

I won't say the trial of faith. There may be more.

And from this, many things have happened.
Tears.
Trials.
Miracles.
Smiles.
Stumbles.
Triumph.
Confusion.
Inspiration.

The following does not happen in the above order.

..................................................................................................................

"You're an inspiration!"

You'd think I'd be used to hearing it. But I'm still not.
I appreciate it very much.
Although, I am still trying to see it.

Very few people see what happens behind the closed door and pulled curtains. All the suppressed feelings that build up. Even all the "what ifs" and "whys". They still happen.
I think, to some degree, they always will.
Confinement.

How is that, pray tell, an inspiration??

....................................................................................................................

I'm not the inspiration. As much as you all think.
It's not me.
Can't you see that? I'm just a normal girl, going through a crazy, unexpected ordeal.

The inspiration is the Atonement. The inspiration is that the crazy, unexpected ordeal can be fixed in due time.
No, they won't come back. Not anytime soon, anyways.
But we are a forever family.
THAT, my friends, is the inspiration.

Or, perhaps even, the inspiration is that we won't be completely and utterly alone. Ever. Although, maybe at times, we may feel that way.
You won't know how I feel, and I won't know how you feel. Even if we switched our circumstances, it would never be the same, because you are you, and I am me, and you and I handle things even slightly differently.
But we are never alone. Because that price has *touch finished* been paid.

Perhaps, the inspiration comes from that in a very small town in this gigantic earth, where things are becoming crazier by the minute, there is a girl who still believes that there is a God. One that can do miracles.
And there are so many more of the like.

Shouldn't that be SAYIING something?

My family were who they were.... who they ARE... because of the Atonement of Christ. My brother is back on his mission, sharing his experiences, regardless of how hard it may have been to leave, because of the Atonement of Christ. I am who I am because of the Atonement of Christ.

And when I remember that... I don't feel so confined anymore.
Because I know that Christ died for us, so that we wouldn't be.

.........................................................................................................

Confinement takes on many forms.

But so does freedom.

The freedom of being happy. Being with family. The freedom of togetherness.

...........................................................................................................

I wonder...

HEAVEN
**EXPECTATION**
Maybe, it's like a homecoming.
Everyone is excited.
Maybe they have signs that says, "WELCOME HOME!"
I hope they are there. I'll run up to them and hug them.
Probably Mom. Mothers get the first call.
Then, the boys.
Then, Dad.
 
 
That would be nice... 




5 comments:

  1. Well put Sister Parrish. Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences.

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  2. Thank you for more understanding. Mothers do get first call and your dad is always so patient and wise to understand this, the boys, and the love they all share together. They will have smiling, glowing faces and big hugs.

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  3. I love you Jensen Parrish, you are an amazing person. :)

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  4. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I don't really know how yo get a hold of you. I don't know where you live. I have tried calling and texting your number you once had & no response. I will leave this post so you will know I am thinking of you & wanting you to know how bad I feel for this great sorrow you have been asked yo bear. Having the Gospel makes it more bearable, but the pain is sooo terribly hard. I hope to see you in the near future. With Love "Aunt Jeanne"

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