Thursday, June 19, 2014

Test the Limits

I miss them.
Bottom line.

People don't tend to ask me how I am doing anymore. I think I'm past that point of being asked. But, I started picking up the habit of asking myself.

"Today, I feel ok."
"Ugh, I do NOT want to get out of bed."
"Today is SUCH a good day!! Can't get much better than this!"
"I hate my life."

It's becoming pretty normal to me now...


I really don't want to do this...
"Come on, go bat! It's your turn!"
"No, thank you, I don't play baseball."
"We are all doing it! Come on!"
I can't hit the ball I can't hit the ball I don't play please don't make me do this please don't they are all watching me I can't handle the attention I'll make a mistake I'll look like a fool I can't do this I really can't I hate the attention Don't watch me Don't watch me Don't watch me....
"Your turn, Jensen!"
I'm already at the home base, bat in my hand, not knowing how to position myself. I felt stupid. I could feel the heat of my blushing face getting hotter and hotter.
And for a split strange 5 seconds, my mind thought back.
The viewing.
The funeral.
The news channel.
Work even. Panic began to swell a little.
But only a little.
Because the ball was coming towards me.
Focus, Jens...
I swung. I heard the hit.
I dropped the bat and ran.
Stupidly ran.
Or so I thought...
"That was the best hit of the night!"
"Girl, you did it!"
"Way to go, Jensen!"
"Did you see it fly!?"
Well. No. No, I didn't. I was focus on running to the next base.
Turns out I really can kinda sorta hit a baseball..
Who knew?
He came up to me and gave me a hug.
"I knew you could do it..."

People used to always tell me, "Heavenly Father does not give us more than we are able to handle."
It's kind of like the scripture 1st Corinthians 10:13:
There is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I like to replace the word "temptation" and replace it with "trial."
There is no trial taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tested above that you are able; but will with the trial also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
And before, I used to believe it.
My mission taught my otherwise.
Heavenly Father doesn't give us a limit on what we can and can't do. Why would an eternal, immortal, infinite being give us, his children, limitations? That seems kind of seems conflicting, don't you think?
I believe Heavenly Father gives you trials, of which they are a little bit more than you feel that you can bear, so that you stretch yourself.
I believe that Heavenly Father gives you those opportunities to rely on the Savior.
Then, when you look back, you realize how much capabilities that you truly have!
And then, he gives you another one. It's a little bit more of a stretch. It's more complicated. And you keep going. And you keep relying.
It's uncomfortable.
It's not fun.
And you panic and you think, "There is NO way that I can do this!"
But then, somehow, you always do.
Because you have the Lord on your side.
Then you look back and think...
Way to go!
I did it!
Did you see me fly?   
That was my best job yet!
This is a stretch.
This is hard.
The future is somewhat foggy.
I've made it this far.
I think I can go a little bit further.
One day at a time.
And I'd like to think, that one day, when I meet Him, He'll give me a hug and say...
"I knew you could do it."


  1. You're brilliant. Inspiring. Talented. Teacher. Deliverer of Light.

  2. I'm sort of a creepy blog stalker. I'm a friend of a friend. Your little brother was friends with my nephew. I hope you don't mind if I keep reading your blog. I love to hear your thoughts. You are a gifted writer and clearly close to the spirit. Thank you for sharing your testimony!

  3. Just keep going! You are amazing and will make it for sure! Thank you for your insight!

  4. I don't think you know me, but I just know who you are from highland and went to school with Ian. I just wanted to let you know that I was at Geraldine's last week and you were so kind, happy, and helpful. I so badly wanted to ask how you were doing and talk with you but I figured you might not want to talk about it with a stranger at work. I think of and still pray for you and Ian frequently. I'm very impressed with the two of you and just thought you should know! Thank you for being a wonderful example