Skip to main content

The Search Engine

Curiosity got the better of me.
Type. Type. Click. Click. Search engine. Click.

**What comes up when you Google search Parrish Family Pocatello**
-Siblings speak out after family dies from carbon monoxide
-4 family members likely died from carbon monoxide
-Two LDS missionaries heading home after family dies from...
-Dr. William "Bill" Bart Parrish/ Colonial Home

 **What comes up when you Google image search Parrish Family Pocatello**
-My house
-Liam's 2013 school picture
-Keegan's 2013 school picture
-2012 family photo, taken right before Ian left for his mission. This would also be the picture that would be the most publicized.
-A portrait of Mom
-A portrait of Dad
-Ian and me during our interview
-The candlelight viewing

 **In short**
Exposure.

The search engine reminded me of everything that I hold near and dear. It reminded of the truth. 

They're gone.

And you still have something to do here. 

I think that's the hardest part. Knowing that there is something still that I am called to fulfill in this life. And not knowing what that something is. 

Life is a cycle. Everything will always relate to one thing or another. Again, I am reminded to live, and not just exist. Remember that I have a legacy to live up to.

But it's not just my family legacy that I am to make a part of my life.

A picture stands out at me. Me and Ian sitting, in the process of being interviewed. At the time, both still set apart. Both still in proselyting attire. Both still wearing two names on the right side of our shirts. 

Both of us will be known as the Missionaries who lost our families. Both of us will be known as the two young adults, whose faith got them through this time of their young life. 

It's kind of crazy... 

As I type this, a scripture comes to my head. One of my favorites, actually. I can't believe it didn't come to me before... Mosiah 24:13-14:

"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them of out bondage.
And I will also EASE THE BURDENS which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

Interesting. It doesn't say he's going to take trials away...

Why not? Why can he not just take away all the pain and heartache? Why can't he make everything better the way that WE want to? 

Maybe, perhaps, it's because he knows better. 

Maybe you're not like me, maybe I'm the only person in the world who thinks this way. I try to find the inner meaning.

"There is something happening on the other side of the veil, and he needed all four of them."... "This is the trial of my faith."... "This is suppose to prepare me for some great eventful blessing in my life."...

... 

Or maybe, he just knows better than I. 

And maybe, I just need to have faith. And just go and do. 

And maybe, you do too. 

Maybe we will never know why things happened the way that they happened. Maybe we won't ever understand why people have to leave us sooner than later. 

It comes to, He just knows us better. And he has something going on. And we are a part of that. 

We are a part of His awesome plan that is happening. And it never goes wrong. Our part is to be a witness of Him, always. And He gives us strength, more than we realize.

I heard a quote once. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing you can be." 

Maybe it should really read, "You never know how much strength you can receive until relying on Him is the only thing you can do." 

Because, let's be real.

The search engine pulled up all those pictures. And the badge reminds me.

We have so much to do. We are called to do it. Our burdens will be made light. Perhaps not all the way lifted. Not yet. But that's how life is. We keep going. We are refined in the process. Created into something far greater than we ever expected. Even when we don't understand. 

But, maybe that's part of the refining process. Not knowing everything that will happen. Going on, even just hoping that things get better eventually. We become immovable and steadfast. 

We become a witness. 




Comments

  1. UnknownMay 2, 2014 at 10:08 AM

    I literally got goose bumps as I read this. We love and miss you.
    The Moore Clan-Longview

    ReplyDelete
  2. JMay 2, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    Jensen... you don't know me but I am in Jodi Parrish's ward.... I love your inner meaning above and almost said the same thing in testimony meeting after the funeral. I had lost my mother a couple weeks before and said that the hastening of the work is going on on the other side of the veil as it is here and He is calling missionaries to serve there as well. I really enjoy your posts and have loved your whole family for a long time. Jerry McIntosh

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nathan Serving in Salvador BrazilMay 2, 2014 at 3:59 PM

    You write the MOST amazing things, thank you. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. zohaibMay 14, 2017 at 1:38 PM

    lucking thts,,,,,

    ReplyDelete
  5. zohaibMay 14, 2017 at 1:39 PM

    a new dering,,,

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A New Normal

Life is unfigureoutable. One minute, it's going one way. And then the next, your life is forever changed. My name is Jensen Parrish. And my life has been changed. I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, serving in the Washington, Vancouver Mission, speaking American Sign Language. I had been out for a year. My brother, Ian Parrish, was also a missionary for the church, serving in the South Dakota, Rapid City Mission. Our missions meant EVERYTHING to us. The growth that we developed there has truly changed our lives. The principles that we taught became firmly rooted in us. Little did we know, that our testimonies of those very principles would be put to the test, in the most unexpected way. On February 23, 2014, just three days after my year mark of being a missionary, I received the news from my mission president and his dear wife, that my mother, my father, and 2 younger brothers had peacefully passed on from this life into the next. The ca...
20 comments
Read more

Little bit of Chaos

My home is a disaster. (Mom would not be happy with me right now...) Letters, cards and packages from a variety of caring people, wanting to do anything that they can to help. A basketball signed by the BYU Provo basketball team. Things that have been gathered, sitting in the living room, waiting for voyage to D.I. Things that I want to save. Chocolates. Clothes. Chaos. A little bit how I feel about life. These past two weeks have been the slowest and yet the fastest that I've ever experienced in my life. There are 5 steps in the grief: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Simple. Yet complicated. Or, my favorite word... Unfigureoutable. Why? Because we all grieve differently. Some people take control of the situation. Some people handle things well. If you're like me, you go on "shut-down, don't talk to me" mode. Which may not be the best way to handle a funeral. Because I wanted nothing more than to just run away from the world and hide. ...
17 comments
Read more

The Newest of "Normals"

I remember that night as if it were yesterday. I remember that the living room light in the apartment was off, but the kitchen light was on. I remember I was wearing an old EFY T-shirt with pink cotton pajama bottoms. I remember that whole day was a good one, a great one even- we had had dinner with an amazing family and had a great spiritual lesson. We were on a spiritual high from the day, excited and ready for our break the next day, excited to be able to check our emails, excited to talk to our families. I remember kneeling next to my bed, saying my night prayers. I remember saying, “Please bless Mom, Dad, Keegan and Liam at home. I’m grateful to be able to talk to them tomorrow.” I remember the knock at the door right at the end of my prayer. Confusion seemed to buzz throughout the apartment as the six of us girls poked our heads out of rooms, wondering, “Who is knocking at 10:30 at night?” I remember seeing my mission president and his wife, their faces sad, scared,...
11 comments
Read more