Skip to main content

Power within Insecurities

It was late.
My husband was sound asleep, and knowing that he would be waking up in just a couple of hours for work, I didn't want to wake him. My heart was pounding, my breathing was shallow, and my body would not calm down. My panic attack was taking over my mind, it started imagining the worse. 

What are the worse possible things that could happen with this new job? The worse thing could be that no one will like me. Maybe I won't be good enough. Maybe I won't be able to keep up with all the responsibilities that I am going to be putting on my shoulders. 

What some people may not realize about panic attacks, especially those attacks that accompany PTSD, is that expecting the worse is not always pessimism. It's not easy to just "flip the switch." It just is. It's how the mind is processing information. It's not accurate, it's biased, and it perceives the bias as truth. And so at this moment, I felt like every possible thing that could go wrong would go wrong, and that was just how it was going to be.  

During these attacks, it's like there are 2 versions of myself: Logical Jensen that knows that this is ridiculous and Emotional Jensen who can't process anything at the moment. They were arguing with each other. It was something like this:

LJ: Jensen, seriously? You can't expect to be perfect the first time.
EJ: You don't get it! If I don't, I'll get fired!
LJ: Yes, but Jensen, you were picked to do this job, which is saying something.
EJ: BUT WHAT IF I FAIL!?
LJ: Then it's not the end of the world. You've been through worse. BELIEVE ME.
EJ: (Not processing what LJ says) I need to know everything before August 22... I need to do (start making unrealistic list..) 
LJ: ...
EJ: THE WORLD IS ENDING!!! 

And hence the 2 Jensens argued with each other, and I just listened to the thoughts. That's normally how it goes. 

But this time was different. As I thought of all the worse things that could possibly happen, as I thought of all my fears, as I listed every insecurity that I have, a thought came into my head. This thought definitely did not come from the 2 Jensens. It was as if it interrupted the argument. It was clear and distinct. It said,

"Your biggest insecurities and fears are hidden strengths the Adversary does not want you to remember. Your insecurities are blocks that prevent you from understanding the power that you have."  

...

What if our insecurities and fears about ourselves are hidden strengths we once had, and we have to remember them? 

What if we took our insecurities and instead of being afraid of them, we conquered them? 

What if our insecurities are blocking us from the greatest thing that we can do for ourselves? 

Everyone has talents and gifts that they are supposed to use to accomplish amazing things. The Adversary knows that. So, he tells us, "You can't do it. You're definitely not good enough. And seriously, look at yourself. What could you possibly contribute?" The funny thing is, he makes it seem so true. So, instead of pushing ourselves, we listen. He uses fear to limit us.

Or worse.

He uses apathy and laziness. 

Why develop hidden talents when there's Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, or even Pokemon Go? (Humor... it's ok to laugh!) Looking at these take time away from you. Instead of developing talents or conquering insecurities, we watch other people live their lives through their photos. We play mindless games. 
These things are not bad. 
But how much time do we spend?

If he can get us to not care, if he can get us to be apathetic, if he can get us to become clueless about the power that we have within ourselves, then he has won. 

In a world where so much negativity is happening, where there is so much hatred, be a light. 
...  

Think about your insecurities. What makes you view them as insecurities? Is it how you look? Is it that you don't feel like you are capable?
Change that. Try thinking the opposite.

Think about your goals. What do you want to accomplish? Is it to develop talents? Is it to accomplish a dream? Is it even just to be a little bit better everyday?
What are you going to do to get there? What are you willing to sacrifice in order to gain? 

Change the way you think. 

It's so easy to just give in. It's so easy to give up. It's so easy to do nothing. Sometimes, we may feel like we need some huge change to happen to help us develop and grow. Sometimes, we may think that we need obstacles and challenges. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Turn a weakness into a strength. Change an insecurity into a power.  

  


http://favim.com/image/3760873/



Comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well said! Have never thought of this perspective. Thanks for taking the time to . Whatever your job is, you are going to rock it! Beat of luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A New Normal

Life is unfigureoutable. One minute, it's going one way. And then the next, your life is forever changed.

My name is Jensen Parrish. And my life has been changed.

I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, serving in the Washington, Vancouver Mission, speaking American Sign Language. I had been out for a year.
My brother, Ian Parrish, was also a missionary for the church, serving in the South Dakota, Rapid City Mission.
Our missions meant EVERYTHING to us. The growth that we developed there has truly changed our lives. The principles that we taught became firmly rooted in us. Little did we know, that our testimonies of those very principles would be put to the test, in the most unexpected way.

On February 23, 2014, just three days after my year mark of being a missionary, I received the news from my mission president and his dear wife, that my mother, my father, and 2 younger brothers had peacefully passed on from this life into the next. The cause …

Little bit of Chaos

My home is a disaster. (Mom would not be happy with me right now...) Letters, cards and packages from a variety of caring people, wanting to do anything that they can to help. A basketball signed by the BYU Provo basketball team. Things that have been gathered, sitting in the living room, waiting for voyage to D.I. Things that I want to save. Chocolates. Clothes.

Chaos. A little bit how I feel about life.

These past two weeks have been the slowest and yet the fastest that I've ever experienced in my life.

There are 5 steps in the grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Simple. Yet complicated. Or, my favorite word... Unfigureoutable. Why? Because we all grieve differently. Some people take control of the situation. Some people handle things well. If you're like me, you go on "shut-down, don't talk to me" mode.

Which may not be the best way to handle a funeral. Because I wanted nothing more than to just run away from the world and hide.

But, who's…

Little Bit Longer

The whistle was piercing as one of the boys accidentally pushed over other teammate in order to get the ball. Another foul shot. Of course, the crowd was not happy. Some fathers were standing and waving their arms, irritated and screaming down to the referee. Mothers were frustrated at the call, commenting to their friends or husbands. Highland against Madison high, and Madison was catching up.

But I wasn't focused on the game. No. Nor did I really care about the calls that the refs made.
I was focused on the Highland basketball team. 
Those boys were growing up so fast. I recognized most of them. I recognized them because they have been in my home as elementary school boys, playing with Keegan. 
Keegan was not playing basketball. He was not out there hustling. Heck, he wasn't even sitting on the bench, frustrated, planning on how he could be a better teammate and player. That was a gift of his. Even if he wasn't the best, he worked harder than anyone else, because he trul…