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Happy Ever After

Life is a glass, and there is water in that glass. We have all heard that phrase before. Sometimes, the glass is half empty, sometimes it's half full, but nevertheless, it's all the same. It's a glass cup, and there is water, waiting to be consumed.

I've always been fascinated by people. We really are quite incredible. Being an English major, I've kind of started thinking in terms of stories. All of us have a story. We all want a Happy Ever After.

I'm getting married in 9 days. It's crazy when I think about it! I was that girl on the mission that thought that I would never get married. It wasn't my thing. Ya, it's a nice thought, but things are too scary things in the world, and I just don't want to deal with the drama. It's too much.

I was very wrong. I'm getting married to an amazing guy, one who has been there for me for years, and especially this year. There are days that I'm shocked that he still wants me around, that he still cares for me, because I'm kind of a nut. He is strong for me when I'm not myself, when I'm depressed, when I'm angry at the world, at the people around me, at the situation that we are in.

I consider myself a realist, though people may think it's pessimism. Maybe I'm a little bit more on the pessimistic side nowadays. I live in fear a lot. It's hard not to sometimes, when the biggest thing that I've feared has already been realized; when one minute, my life was perfect and normal and happy, and then literally the next minute, it was flipped upside down; four people that I loved more than anything else on this planet were gone in an instant, and I didn't even get to say goodbye.

For me, it's really hard not to live in fear. Fear takes over me, causing extreme anxiety attacks, causing the littlest things to push me over the edge. It eats at me, making me expect the worst sometimes. At times, it even gets me to a point where I am too afraid to try anything new, because what's the point?

And this guy is the absolute opposite. He tries because to him, failure is not trying at all. He puts himself out there because why not? "Life is short, so try things" is his philosophy.

***

It was late, and we were hungry. We had an amazing date, walking around old town Pocatello, admiring the art and architecture that was on display that night, but we had forgotten about dinner. Trying to limit our eating out, we ran to WinCo to buy us some food. 

Driving down the road, we were discussing marriage; what were our expectations, what were our goals, and lots of things. I mentioned, "You know, I think sometimes people are shocked, because they get married expecting it to be a fairy tale, and it's not."

He got wide eyed. "WHAT! It's not a fairy tale?" He smirked a little, indicating that he was trying to be funny.

Nonsensically, I responded, "Hate to break it to you, but it's not."

Going along with it, he said, "Hmm, well, I'm planning on it to be a fairy tale."

"Oh, really? I'd love to see that. People are still human, you know. Things still get hard. There aren't any white horses or pretty princesses or magic spells. Bad things still happen." I was trying to get my point across.

His answer threw me in for a loop. "Let's think about this, Jens. Life is a fairy tale. Let's think about all the fairy tales that we know:

Snow White: evil step-mother, both her biological parents die, she's pretty much an orphan, and step-mother hates her and wants to kill her because she is jealous. She has to run away, and she lives with SEVEN MEN! What a night mare! And she still lived happily ever after, yes?"

"Yes, but..."

"Sleeping Beauty: Gorgeous, and has to sleep for however long (which sounds nice in my opinion). Prince has to cut through thorns and bristles, and kill a dragon before he can even get to her in the highest tower! Trials, no?"

"Well..."

"And let's not forget RAPUNZEL! Locked in a tower for 18 years, no social experience whatsoever, creepy handsome guy comes along. A few frying pan smacks later, she has to go on an adventure to find out who she is... Then she finds out she's a princess, gets married, and lived happily ever after! You know I could go on and on!"

At this point, I couldn't respond. I knew he was winning his argument. He smiled, and said, "You best believe in happily ever after, because that's what I am shooting for." 

***

Life is a glass, and there is water in that glass. Is it half empty? Is it half full? It's up to you. 

I could focus on the emptiness of my life. My mom and my dad are gone. My two youngest brothers are gone. I won't see them again in this life. Mom and Dad aren't here to help plan my wedding with me. I won't dance with Dad at my reception, or my Mom won't be able to sit by my side. I struggle with many emotional and mental effects because of it, more than most people ever witness. I struggle with a lot of things. I struggle in school. I struggle to connect with people. Sometimes, I feel like an outsider.

Or... I could focus on the fullness of my life. I have a great family and friend support system. We have each other for when we have bad days. I have an amazing fiance' who has been there for me since day one and beyond, with an amazing family who have helped me in so many ways. My wonderful family and friends are helping us with wedding planning. Maybe Ian and I will dance at my reception. I can use my experience to help others. I am going to school and getting a degree in English. Maybe I'll do something amazing with writing. I can be someone who opens her arms to anyone who needs it.

The ones who live happily ever after are the ones that hope for and shoots for it. And the beautiful thing about happily ever after is... it doesn't end.

It's an eternal journey.

Walking along the artwalk. 




Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts Jensen - I especially love the message that happily ever after is an eternal journey. :) Congrats on your wedding - I hope your wonderful day brings you lots of joyful moments!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know there is a quote by dieter f uchtdorf that is "sandwiched between their once upon a time and happily ever after, they all had to experience great adversity." I always have loved that quote!

    Glad to see you blogging again.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Life IS a fairy tale, isn't it. <3 ya. \|m| (That's an ILY in ASL if you couldn't figure it out...I copied it from someone else, I'm not that cool and original.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi
    You don't know me, but I was reading something else, and then came about reading your story about the loss of your family and read some of your blog posts. I cried very hard for your loss, and understand what you are going through. I lost my son a year and a half ago, and so I know the roller coaster of emotions
    I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. It's hard to understand why things happen. I just wanted to say that I am inspired by your courage and strength, and your continued faith. You will see your family again, and they are with you in all of the milestones in life, and encourage you as you take one more step. I know that's what keeps me going and I just wanted to share that with you. God bless you and your new marriage.

    ReplyDelete

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