You know those times. Those days where your first class drags because the monotone speaker drones on and on and on about things that you can just look on a paper yourself. Those times where you forgot an important assignment, so you can't even be in class, because there is no point. Those times where you work most of your week, not being able to do homework until later, but then, being so exhausted, which already adds to the mental, and not to mention, physical exhaustion of just living.
There. That felt better. I needed to get that out.
I'm not perfect.
And I'm not great all the time.
I think that makes me secretly sad. I want to be great all the time. I want to feel the way that people view me to feel; spunky, lively, independent, adventurous, happy go-lucky. I want to be like my heroes. I want to always be smiling. I want to be positive.
But, more often than not, I'm just not.
I think, quite honestly, it's always been a struggle for me. Even when I was younger, I was not always the most positive. Mostly about myself. I always picked on myself.
But, I have this ability to "fake it till I make it." Which helps sometimes.
And then, I have days when I just want to crash and burn.
So, I do.
I crash and burn.
Sometimes, it comes in outbursts and angry words. Sometimes, it's holding in feelings of frustration when random people are annoying me with their constant prying into my life with questions while I am just trying to sell them some rolls. Sometimes, it's when I'm crying to my boyfriend about how sad my life is without them, and how I want to move on but I don't feel like I can.
So, I let myself feel those moments. I eat them up. Spit it out. Engulf in the moment.
And somehow, I always feel worse.
It's not necessarily a great way to live.
And so, I count blessings.
Here we go.
Today, I woke up in a bed.
Today, I have a car to drive.
Today, I am able to go to school.
I won't be going hungry today.
I have family.
I know what it is like to love.
I know what it is like to be loved.
I won't be alone for the holidays.
The gospel is true.
Families are forever.
I'm learning about something that I truly love to do.
I'm learning about things that I truly don't love to do, but I'm still learning, and that's what matters.
I have friends. Lots of them, that would do anything for me, and I for them.
I'm wearing clothes.
I have a phone.
I'm using talents to help people.
People are using talents to help me.
Music filled my ears today.
I don't have to work today, and I get to work to tomorrow.
Heck, I have a job.
I'm dating an amazing awesome guy.
I live with funny people who entertains me all the time.
I get to see my brother in 4 DAYS!!
We will be together during the holidays.
I can always start over.
I read scriptures this morning, and learned awesome things and got answers.
It's Thanksgiving Break! HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH!
I survived school.
Heck, I'm living life!
I'm doing hard things that most people my age will never have to deal with, and I'm growing and developing from these things.
I have people who help me with these things.
God is patient, which is a blessing, because heaven knows he needs it with me.
Christ is patient, which is a blessing, because sometimes, I am a brat.
My body functions fairly well. Better than most.
I can run.
I can walk.
I can jump.
I can play.
Christmas is coming.
Outside is pretty.
I'm sealed to my family.
I did that just now, no pre thinking. Just sat and wrote for 5 minutes.
And now, the day doesn't seem so bad.
I really do have it good, don't I?
I'm feelin' good.
So, a cliche' (LOL, if you know me, you know how much I just LOOOOVE cliches'...) Thanksgiving challenge for you. Especially if you had a not so great morning like myself.
Set a timer. 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, I don't care. But set it, and start writing. Write all the blessings you can think of. Temporal or spiritual. Today or yesterday's. Whatever you feel.
See how much the Lord really does.
You'll be amazed.