Which is a shame, because October is my favorite month. It's so pretty.
We were sitting together, not saying anything for a while. I was too upset and depressed to talk. I had been crying a little. He asked, "What is going through your head?
My response surprised me.
Nothing you don't know. Just the normal stuff.
This is just normal me. The feelings I feel are becoming more and more "normal." The home that I live in is becoming my "normal" comfortable place of refuge. The thoughts that I fight everyday is just a "normal" everyday inner battle that I have within myself.
I want to defy this normal.
Now, if I may explain why this impacted me.
October is a lot like July. (I think I've pounded that enough.) Those unhappy thoughts, those feelings of depression, those days when I just want to give up, and give in... I've allowed them to take over me the majority of the month.
On my mission, I had learned the tools that I would need if and when these kinds of feelings occur. When I came home from my mission, I had received so much strength for me to continue pressing forward.
And yet, this October, I had forgotten these moments of strength and joy, and given in to my natural man to pity and feel sorry for myself.
That's not what the Lord wants for us. No, he does not expect us to be perfect all of the time. But, he does expect us to keep going. And when we do relapse, we need to remember that IT'S NOT THE END. We need to remember we ARE STRONG. He needs people who are strong, who will rely on Him.
It is in our human nature to feel weak.
It is in our spiritual nature to be strong.
I feel that Christ does not want us to go back to what or who we were. He wants us to remember our progress. Sometimes, that is difficult.
Seriously, so difficult.
But, we were made to be able to master difficult things.
We can do hard things. Isn't that so cool?
And through difficulty comes strength.