A New Normal

I still vividly remember the night that I found out. I can tell you where I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing. (New apartment, on the living room couch, old EFY T-shirt and pink cotton pants. I had just finished saying a prayer.) I vividly remember the looks on my "mission parents'" faces. When I think about President's tight hug, I remember how crushing it felt, him not wanting to let me go, not wanting to be the one to tell me that my parents and brothers were gone. I remember it took him a little while to say it, and how it crushed him, and his wife. I remember my companion and the Hermanas were also in the living room sitting on the floor in their pajamas, shocked, speechless, not knowing if they should say anything. I remember that the only light in the room was the bright light coming from the open kitchen. I remember saying, "Give me a minute," and running into my room, falling on my knees at my bed, crying, saying "Why, God? What di