A New Normal

 *** A late night conversation between a 12 year old girl and her father***  "Daddy, I don't feel like I amount to anything. No matter what I do, it's not good enough. How can I possibly succeed?"                                                                  ...Ponders deeply... "You know those fun house mirrors at the fair or circus? You know how when you look at them, you're shorter, or skinnier, or fatter, or taller. But you're NEVER you. That is how the world will see you. But it's not fair. It's not right. It's not you."                                             ...Points at a full length mirror across the room... "Now, when you look at that mirror, you are EXACTLY who you are. It's your...

I remember the night of the viewing. Hundreds of people were there. Maybe even a thousand at some points. The crowd was overwhelming. The condolences were slightly overbearing. I remember feeling so claustrophobic, wanting outside air to breathe. But there was no way out. I left the gym. I found a table where they were serving food in the room across the hall. My friends were there. The ones that I actually wanted to see. They were sitting there, waiting patiently, talking among themselves, smiling. They greeted me, although I could see that they were not really sure how they were suppose to. Smile? Frown? Grieve? What does she want? I smiled as much as I could. I shared missionary stories. I tried to forget why I was there. Tried to treat it like a normal everyday church activity. Not as a funeral... For a little while, things were a little normal. Like how things were before. But, the crowd still found me. And I had to face the reality again. Why I was really ther...

Mom and Dad and Keegs and Lemur left behind a lot of stuff. Trophies from basketball and football tournaments, home decor, a new kitchen aide that Dad just got Mom for Christmas, clothes, movies, cars, books... Just lots of, now, pointless stuff. Sitting around, waiting to be held, worn, used, loved. Waiting to feel that sense of belonging. Years of memories, almost mocking me each time I enter my home, which, regardless of the fullness of it, is completely empty. It's funny. When I went there today, I called out as a habit, "Hello! Anyone home?" ........ "oh..... right...." *** As humans, we exist. That's inevitable. Obvious. Clear. I hope that's not a surprise. As humans, we naturally have a routine of some sort. Most of them may be something like this: wake up, get dress, eat, work, school, home, dinner, sleep. We do this all the time. We survive. We exist. Existence is interesting, if you really think about it. We can all do it. Eve...