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The Search Engine

Curiosity got the better of me.
Type. Type. Click. Click. Search engine. Click.

**What comes up when you Google search Parrish Family Pocatello**
-Siblings speak out after family dies from carbon monoxide
-4 family members likely died from carbon monoxide
-Two LDS missionaries heading home after family dies from...
-Dr. William "Bill" Bart Parrish/ Colonial Home

 **What comes up when you Google image search Parrish Family Pocatello**
-My house
-Liam's 2013 school picture
-Keegan's 2013 school picture
-2012 family photo, taken right before Ian left for his mission. This would also be the picture that would be the most publicized.
-A portrait of Mom
-A portrait of Dad
-Ian and me during our interview
-The candlelight viewing

 **In short**
Exposure.

The search engine reminded me of everything that I hold near and dear. It reminded of the truth. 

They're gone.

And you still have something to do here. 

I think that's the hardest part. Knowing that there is something still that I am called to fulfill in this life. And not knowing what that something is. 

Life is a cycle. Everything will always relate to one thing or another. Again, I am reminded to live, and not just exist. Remember that I have a legacy to live up to.

But it's not just my family legacy that I am to make a part of my life.

A picture stands out at me. Me and Ian sitting, in the process of being interviewed. At the time, both still set apart. Both still in proselyting attire. Both still wearing two names on the right side of our shirts. 

Both of us will be known as the Missionaries who lost our families. Both of us will be known as the two young adults, whose faith got them through this time of their young life. 

It's kind of crazy... 

As I type this, a scripture comes to my head. One of my favorites, actually. I can't believe it didn't come to me before... Mosiah 24:13-14:

"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them of out bondage.
And I will also EASE THE BURDENS which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

Interesting. It doesn't say he's going to take trials away...

Why not? Why can he not just take away all the pain and heartache? Why can't he make everything better the way that WE want to? 

Maybe, perhaps, it's because he knows better. 

Maybe you're not like me, maybe I'm the only person in the world who thinks this way. I try to find the inner meaning.

"There is something happening on the other side of the veil, and he needed all four of them."... "This is the trial of my faith."... "This is suppose to prepare me for some great eventful blessing in my life."...

... 

Or maybe, he just knows better than I. 

And maybe, I just need to have faith. And just go and do. 

And maybe, you do too. 

Maybe we will never know why things happened the way that they happened. Maybe we won't ever understand why people have to leave us sooner than later. 

It comes to, He just knows us better. And he has something going on. And we are a part of that. 

We are a part of His awesome plan that is happening. And it never goes wrong. Our part is to be a witness of Him, always. And He gives us strength, more than we realize.

I heard a quote once. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing you can be." 

Maybe it should really read, "You never know how much strength you can receive until relying on Him is the only thing you can do." 

Because, let's be real.

The search engine pulled up all those pictures. And the badge reminds me.

We have so much to do. We are called to do it. Our burdens will be made light. Perhaps not all the way lifted. Not yet. But that's how life is. We keep going. We are refined in the process. Created into something far greater than we ever expected. Even when we don't understand. 

But, maybe that's part of the refining process. Not knowing everything that will happen. Going on, even just hoping that things get better eventually. We become immovable and steadfast. 

We become a witness. 




Comments

  1. UnknownMay 2, 2014 at 10:08 AM

    I literally got goose bumps as I read this. We love and miss you.
    The Moore Clan-Longview

    ReplyDelete
  2. JMay 2, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    Jensen... you don't know me but I am in Jodi Parrish's ward.... I love your inner meaning above and almost said the same thing in testimony meeting after the funeral. I had lost my mother a couple weeks before and said that the hastening of the work is going on on the other side of the veil as it is here and He is calling missionaries to serve there as well. I really enjoy your posts and have loved your whole family for a long time. Jerry McIntosh

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nathan Serving in Salvador BrazilMay 2, 2014 at 3:59 PM

    You write the MOST amazing things, thank you. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. zohaibMay 14, 2017 at 1:38 PM

    lucking thts,,,,,

    ReplyDelete
  5. zohaibMay 14, 2017 at 1:39 PM

    a new dering,,,

    ReplyDelete

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